Want To


I will always remember February 2, 2016 because that was the day for some unknown reason I finally found the 'want to' needed to write my doctoral thesis. I'm not sure what happened. I don't know what changed. Two days later I can barely remember how the day started or even what part of the thesis I worked on that pushed me into a new level of motivation. Not sure if I will ever remember exactly. The only thing I remember is getting up at the crack of dawn because Husband had to be out of the house early that day, so me and the pup were on our own. After walking the pup, I remember starting a load of laundry and sitting in front of the computer. The rest is fuzzy, but all I know is that by the end of the day I had spent hours writing. Since then I have spent the last few days writing for hours at a time. I'm afraid if I stop I will lose the 'want to' for which I have been waiting. Just in case I was tempted to slow down, I received a little motivation yesterday. One of my colleagues, the first among those of us who are still in communication, finished and received final approval on his document! That's right, he will be walking across the stage in May. He's the nicest guy with a beautiful family and he worked really hard despite being a newlywed when we started and welcoming a new baby in the midst of his writing, so I couldn't be happier for him. The news did however remind me that I need to complete this work so I can move on with my life.

6,666 words per chapter for six chapters and 1333 words per day- that is what I will need to complete my first draft by March 1st, my new self-imposed deadline. While graduating in May would take a move of God and nonstop writing under the compulsion of the Holy Spirit, being finished my work by May is still my goal. I need to go into the summer with my work completed just in case my readers plan to travel or undertake some incredible scholarly endeavor that would make them completely unavailable to me. So with Husband's blessing I've decided to take the month of February to completely focus on the completing the bulk of my writing. It would have been completely wonderful if I'd gotten this spark back in September or even November. Perhaps right now I would be close to completion, but then I may have missed out on some of the important family moments I got to experience over the holidays. Since there is no way of knowing, I can only move on from here and hope that my doctoral thesis will be crossed off of my list of immediate concerns by the time the weather breaks and I'm ready to have some fun. After all, who wants to be shackled to a computer once this weather breaks? I know I don't.