It's hard to believe, but autumn is well under way. We can't even call this early fall anymore, although the weather today felt more like early summer. Admittedly I'm not quite where I hoped I'd be by this time. For the last month or so I've been pretty scattered and not very disciplined. I still haven't concluded collecting my data for my research, written chapter 1, started planning for my Christmas decoration, or sewn anything for fall (all of which I wanted to have done by this time). I have spent far too much time thinking and worrying about writing than...well, actually writing. If I could ever get over my perfectionism and imposter syndrome, I might actually produce something brilliant. Thank God for my colleagues who hold me accountable. Because of them, I know I'll see the finish line even if they have to drag me across it.
My home has been somewhat out of sorts as well. With a few late summer trips and a lack of focus, my surroundings began to look like a bomb went off. This week I decided that order needs to be restored. I started with something simple- I finally got around to labeling the laundry sorter I bought back in the beginning of September. It's a small change but it makes a world of difference to the individual in the house that is responsible for doing the laundry (that would be moi).
I also decided to purge my closet of everything that no longer fits my body and/or my life. Unfortunately that left me with NOTHING that fit...and I do mean nothing. I had to accept the fact that I am quite a bit "fluffier" than I was two years ago. I may lose the weight, but in the meantime I am doing myself no favors by squeezing into unforgiving skirts and asking my husband every Sunday morning, "Does this make my butt look big???" Neither of us enjoy that ritual. This also meant selling my beloved Diane von Furstenberg vintage print wrap dress, my first truly designer piece purchased many years ago. A very sweet skinny girl in NYC is now loving life in my dress and I'm happy for her. If she can fit into a size 2, she deserves it!
I am also ashamed to say that I feel so far removed from being a preacher, that I hardly operate like I am one. These days I am more doctoral student, scholar, researcher, and even consultant than I am preacher. There's been no serious "word-working"- studying scriptures, consulting commentaries, crafting sermons, developing lessons, etc. This despite the fact that it was "the call to preach" that opened the door for me to be any of those other things and the sole reason I pursued any of it. Somehow this too has gotten out of order.
71 days remain in 2015. It doesn't feel like it now, but soon we will be in the abyss of the holiday season. I don't know about you, but I really would like to move into this new season cultivating new disciplines. I know it doesn't happen overnight, but the laundry is a good place to start.