Chaos

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Can I be honest? As accomplished as I am and as together as I seem to be to some people, my life is in chaos. It's so true. I live in a constant chaotic frenzy. I'm constantly rushing, anxious, forgetful, last minute, and all of the other things that come to mind when you here the word chaos. I guess I am just trying to juggle so much while giving my all to ministry, and I've totally devolved into this chaotic fireball. Most of the time I can be found rushing to the church or rushing home from the church with frequent stops at Starbucks and Chick-Fil-A. My drive to be more than excellent in my ministry role has left my self-care woefully neglected in many ways.

I talked here about needing to implement some new disciplines which I am still in the very beginning stages of doing. I recognized exactly how much I need these new disciplines in my life during these past two weeks as I faced a number of challenges that added stress on top of an already stressful situation. Now I see how letting my prayer and devotional time get diminished and swallowed up by pressing tasks has left me ill equipped to face life's challenges without having a whole fit. 

The thing about implementing new disciplines is that whenever you make a choice to bring order to your own life, it usually disrupts the comfort of others whose peace and tranquility depend on your chaotic state. You know, I mean the people who depend on you to do for them regardless of how disruptive it is to your well-being. It will be interesting to see who gets agitated my shifts in how I use my time and energy versus who helps me to get to a healthier place in my life.